Here See, I Can't Ski
by R.C. Babcock
Summary: A "Oh Say, Can You Ski"-Alternative ... CC never tripped over the leash. Rating goes up later.
1. Chapter 1

I had a dream about a "Oh say, can you ski"-AU.

It was about Niles and CC (who else?) and I decided to write it down.

I first wanted to post a One Shot but then it was too long. Rating goes up to M later.

So here we go!

* * *

><p>Here see, I can't ski<p>

By

justCiles4life

_Imagine that CC decided not to bring Chester to the meeting with the president ..._

* * *

><p>"Miss Babcock! Miss Babcock, they found them! They found Mommy and Daddy!"<p>

CC groaned and gulped her glass of Jack Daniels down.

What a perfect scene it could have been. CC already had a imagination of it ...

_"Fran didn't survive."_

_"Maxwell, I'm so sorry."_

_"Don't care about her, CC, I had time to think about it and now I know I never loved her, I always loved you, just you."_

And then they would kiss, but in real he girl told her they were in the hospital and they were healthy. Tired, but alright.

"I know you prayed that Mrs. Sheffield would die", a sudden voice said.

CC turned around and saw that the little one was gone, while the nosy annoying butler had taken her place.

"Go away", CC mumbled and faced her empty glass.

Niles said nothing but he also didn't go. He saw that this woman was hurt and he didn't feel like hurting her more - what a surprise!

But since Mr. and Mrs. Sheffield's wedding, Niles couldn't control his feelings for her, it seeme she had stolen his heart in this night.

Nothing had happened - besides their dances, kisses, touches and the fact they had slept in the same bed ... But just next to each other.

But something was different since then, with her and with him ... She smiled more often at him, she learned how to talk _almost normal _to him and could held herself back when he was - for example - sleeping during his working time.

Niles on the other side started to insult her more often - just to hear and see that wonderful laugh of her.

The days where the new married pair had been stranded, he was kind of best friends with Miss Babcock, so he had been really surprised that the blonde socialite went to her room without a word after the news they were missing again, covering herself with Whiskey.

Niles wanted to comfort her, but then he had been to shy again.

Now he saw that she wasn't happy though they were okay.

"No, I won't go. First I want to know why you hate Mrs. Sheffield that much!"

"Oh, is that so obvious?", CC said with a light grin and let the bartender pour her another glass.

"You're the queen of the ice sculptures in the ice palace of the ice queen", Niles said.

"So this time I'm not the ice queen?", CC asked, not really interested in bantering with the butler.

"The ice queen is too pretty to be portrayed by you", Niles answered and CC gulped another drink down.

Why did every man think of her like that?

Niles regretted what he said instantly, but he didn't apologise. He thought that CC was the most beautiful, perfect woman he'd ever seen ... He just found no courage to tell her.

But suddenly his plan came in his mind again, he wanted to ask her to spend time with him, originally planned to bring her on other thoughts.

"Wanna go skiing?"

CC stared at him. "What?"

"Skiing", Niles said, slowly thinking he'd screwed it up. "With me. Fun!", he added.

"Fun and your name mentioned in a single breath is almost too much for me", CC said and then sighed. "And no, I can't go skiing. And this time I mean it. I can't ski."

Niles made a shocked face. "You can't ski? What?"

CC glared at him. "Is that so shocking?"

Niles gulped. "Of course - you were born rich! Sure, it's more than a million years over, but you were born rich and rich people like to go skiing."

"Yeah, I was more the horse-back-riding child. My sister and brother used to laugh 'cause I always fell from my skis. But - why am I telling you this?"

"Because, my dear Babs", Niles began with a light grin, "we will go skiing now."

* * *

><p>At first CC hadn't been amused at all. But then she thought of how wonderful Niles had raised the children ... She had ignored the sudden racing of her heartbeat and agreed.<p>

Now she was standing on the skis, not willing to drive.

Niles had won another fight and CC wore a helmet now - Niles said it was neccessary, CC didn't understand why - and a thick ski suit.

_I'm so fat in this!_, CC thought. _What will he think about me?_

But Niles - sometimes gentleman (at least to her) - didn't say a word about her body shape.

If he had to be honest, he was thinking about ripping that damn suit off of her and taking her right there, no matter they were in the snow.

But he could resist. He didn't want her to yell, to be scared, to laugh, whatever she would do.

Niles taught her how to lay in the curves and how to drive faster, how to slow down and how to stand.

When they started to drive down the hill, Niles figured out, that Miss Babcock was a very quick and good student.

Soon they were exhausted and wanted tot take a break, but then it happened ...

* * *

><p>"Please don't go, Niles!", CC whined for the seventh time.<p>

"This is all your fault!", Niles said angrily as he turned around again, facing an almost crying CC.

"My fault?", she yelled.

"Who's fault else should it be?" Niles.

CC's leg was sticking in the snow, covered by a root where she had tripped over. Now her foot hurted, but she didn't want to complain about that now.

Niles at first had tried to dig her out, but when it didn't work, he wanted to call help.

But CC didn't want to be alone.

CC scolded and whined and finally

Niles had enough, he grabbed CC beneath her axles and pulled. When he got her out, he heard a crack and CC screamed loudly.

He lifted her up in his arms. CC cried and told him her foot probably was sprained, but Niles ignored her. He loved her, but he knew she could be a dama queen.

He carried her for two hours with breaks. It was four in the afternoon and already a little bit dark.

Niles was exhausted - CC was heavier than she looked, the snow was powdery and CC wouldn't stop scolding.

Suddenly Niles placed her down. "I won't go a single step further", he said. "You're heavy, you're annoying, it's dark. We won't reach a cottage, Miss Babcock!"

"So now what", CC said angrily. "Dying in the snow?"

"I guess I could make a fire ..."

"Then do that, I'm freezing", CC ordered.

Niles looked at her. The blonde placed herself on the snow and closed her eyes. Niles sighed.

"We won't sleep here, Babcock." She opened her eyes.

"What?"

"We are going to die when we sleep there. I'm going to look for a cave or something. And you -" Niles lifted her up again. "are coming with me."

CC didn't complain, in fact she enjoyed being carried around by Niles. He carried her with so much caution, she didn't even feel his arms beneath her. That's why she closed her eyes, then she imagined she was flying.

And for a very stupid reason, Niles was flying next to her.


	2. Chapter 2

CC woke up in a cave.

She lifted her head and looked around.

Niles had made a fire and had unpacked all the stuff he had in the backpack - sleeping bags, blankets, candles, food, water ... CC saw the flashlight that was hanging on the wall.

"Niles?"

"Oh, Miss Babcock. You're awake."

He sounded sad.

CC got up and the blanket that had covered her fell on the floor. "What's up? You sound sad."

"I'm sorry", Niles said. "We're going to die."

"Don't mess with me, dust buster. What's up?" CC first had thought he was joking but he looked at her with a serious face.

"I carried you and you fell asleep, I made a fire in the cave and went to bed as well but when I woke up we were trapped, 'cause a landslide had closed the entry."

"Oh", CC said. She didn't look shocked or sad. "Do you have a phone with you?"

Niles nodded. "No connection. Miss Babcock, why are you so calm?"

CC shrugged. "We're going to die - big boo-hoo. Nobody is going to miss us, Niles!"

"The Sheffields will", Niles disagreed.

"Yes, for a year or two. But they will get children, a new butler, a new business partner and completely forget us."

"You're such a sunshine, Miss Babcock", Niles grunted.

"Who wanted to go skiing with me?", CC said, lightly smiling. The truth was, she wasn't happy to die. But dying with Niles was much better than dying alone. CC enjoyed that bickering and bantering with him. If she could choose with whom she wanted to die, she'd choose Niles long over Maxwell. He was funny, he was sweet and caring and he wouldn't talk about the children, Sara and Nanny Fine all the time, which Maxwell would do. She also had kind of a feeling that Niles would make her _last wish _come true, which Maxwell would never do.

CC's last wish was simple - but not in her opinion. She wanted to sleep with a man who had feelings for her, strong feelings. And Niles had strong feelings for her - he hated her. That was strong. But why would he ever sleep with her? He'd never do that, she thought.

CC had always thought her biggest wish was sleeping with a man who loved her, but she gave up the thought that somebody could really love her long ago.

She had also given up the hope of getting an orgasm once in her life long ago - because no matter how often and how hard she tried and tried, it had never worked. Not alone, not with a partner - nothing had ever managed to "push her buttons".

CC crawled under her blanket and smiled. Would Niles agree to sleep with her now? It would be his last chance to get intimate with somebody, so CC saw no reason for him to say no. They were going to die, so why not? Would he try to push her buttons? Would he succeed?

"Why are you grinning, Babcock?"

"Oh, Niles, don't you get it?", CC sighed. "This is a chance to start something new!"

"Something new?"

"Niles, these are going to be the last days of our life. It is going to be days, right? Not hours?"

"Maybe even weeks", Niles said. "We won't need that much food, but I have plenty. And I have loads of water, as you can see."

"And we have company, Mr. Considerate", CC mocked.

"I'm always considerating", Niles huffed.

"Sure", CC said dryly and smiled more. Even trapped in a cave he hadn't lost his huffing tone.

CC had noticed months ago that her feelings for him wasn't hate, it was much more the opposite. She was sure that Niles hated her - of course he didn't, but she had no idea about that.

"Are you hungry?", Niles suddenly asked.

"What do you have?"

"Sausages, eggs, apples, ..."

"I'm not hungry, thank you."

Niles sighed. "You have to eat someday."

"Oh, do I?", CC asked with rolling eyes.

"Ah, I've forgotten you need blood of mortals to stay alive. Please stay away from my neck."

"I would never drink your blood", CC said coldly, but she had nothing against a little bite in his neck.

"Thank god", Niles murmured and pulled out a book of the bag.

"A _book?!_", CC exclaimed. "Niles, you won't use our last light for reading a book!" CC got up and pulled the flashlight off the wall. "How did you manage to hang it up?", she wondered when she tried to find something in her near to hang it up.

But suddenly she shrieked when she tripped over a big stone. The light fell down and the glass broke.

The cave went dark, just the fire was burning, it lightened up their faces but wasn't strong enough to light the cave.

"Stupid woman, you destroyed our only light!", Niles scolded.

"We have the fire! And candles!", CC whined.

"I won't use them now, we could be in here for weeks!"

"And now?"

"Now what?"

Silence.

"It's _your _fault!", CC suddenly said. "Why did you have to hang the light up?"

"Why did you have to look at it?", Niles fired back.

CC groaned. "I thought it was _ridiculous _of you, reading a book while we are stuck in a cave!"

"Why, because reading a book is better than talking to you?"

"You're incorrigible", CC hissed and crawled into a sleeping bag. "Have you been smart enough to pack a clock in that bag?"

Niles pulled something out of the bag. "Nine a.m.", he sighed. "I hope they are looking for us already ..."

CC looked at the round plastic thing in his hand. "What is that?"

"It's a clock radio usually, but I doubt we have connection here."

"Try it!", CC said excited and after Niles turned a little bit, they heard music. It sounded blurred but it was there.

CC pulled the blanket over her upper body and closed her eyes.

She was aware of that they would die but she didn't care at all. She was with Niles and she felt protected.

Niles watched CC. The weak light shone on her face and Niles noticed she looked peaceful.

He knew they would die but the only thing he could think about was:

"Why her?"


	3. Chapter 3

CC woke up because she heard weird noises. She opened her eyes, saw the weak light of the fire and heard the noise again.

"Are you hungry?", Niles asked.

_Oh, this is my tummy,_ CC thought.

"How much do we have to eat?", she asked.

"As I already said - enough", Niles answered. "Do you like sausages?"

"Usually no", CC sighed, "but I guess before I'm starving I could eat them ..."

Niles unpacked the sausages. "I have no stick to fry them", he said quietly.

CC grabbed a sausage and held it in the fire carefully without sticking it on something. "It works that way. We are lucky there's no wind. It's hot but this is better than freezing cold ..."

They ate their sausages in silence. Niles switched on the radio and they listened. After they finished their meal, they went back to their sleeping bags again.

CC closed her eyes and listened to the music. She tried not to think about the things she missed, she tried to focus at the good things she had at the moment, such as a warm and save place, something to eat and, yes, Niles.

In times like that, she just had to think back when she was at the hospital. She would rather die in the cave than going back to that place ...

She was almost sleeping again, when she heard Niles, calling her name.

"What?", she asked sleepily.

"Listen", he said and turned the tune louder.

"Niles and CC Babcock ... still missing", the news-woman said, interrupted by the bad connection. "Everybody's looking ... Tell us if you see something ... Here's a message from their ... Okay, you can start!"

"Niles! Miss Babcock!", a nasal voice said and CC groaned. "... Miss ya! They will find ya as they found me and ... We chose a song for you! Miss ya! Coma back!"

"A song?", Niles asked and turned louder again.

_"It's very clear, our love is here to stay ..."_

"Oh god", CC whispered and put her hands in front of her mouth.

"How ...", Niles began.

_"Not for a year, but forever and a day!"_

"Did they see us?" CC's eyes searched his.

The blue orbs met each other and CC could read softness in his.

"Niles ...", CC whispered. Niles cleared his throat and stood up.

"May I have this dance?"

CC hesitated.

"Miss Babcock you're not getting any younger", Niles said with a chuckle.

CC grinned and stood up. She took his hand and Niles swept her in his arms. They stepped around in the cave with happy giggles from CC and satisfied chuckles from Niles.

As the song ended, they collapsed on the floor.

"Dancing with you is funny", CC breathed. "I always resisted to tell you that ... But we are alone now ..."

"We are alone", Niles repeated, stood up and held his hand down as another, a slower song began.

CC took it and Niles pulled her to him. Now they were swaying slowly, his hand was caressing her shoulder blades and her cheek was laying on his shoulder.

"What are we going to do?", CC suddenly sighed.

"Do you still think we're going to die 'cause they won't find us?", Niles asked softly.

CC nodded. "But that's not what I meant ..."

"What did you mean then?", Niles asked and caressed her cheek when she pulled her head up to look at him.

"Exactly this", CC whispered and laid her hand over his. "We dance and we laugh when we are alone, we talk, we sometimes even kiss ..." CC looked down. "But we're hating each other when we aren't alone."

"I don't hate you", Niles said without hesitation.

"Then why are you acting like that?", CC asked.

Niles sighed and pulled her down. He wrapped a blanket around her and sat down next to her.

"Let's talk", he said and CC rolled his eyes.

"About?", she asked annoyed.

"About us", Niles answered and CC snorted.

"There is no _us._"

"There is, and you know that", Niles said and took her hand again. CC winced at first when he touched her, but then she calmed down.

"Us, as like when we kissed once?", she whispered.

"Not just once", Niles said. "Miss Babcock, I would lie if told you I was able sleep after that kiss. And the time you winked at me on the cruise. And your flirts during the wedding of my friend

... You visited me in the hospital, I visited you when you were -"

"Okay, okay", CC said. "I get it. There is an _us. _And now?"

"Let's discuss it", Niles said.

CC looked at their entwinded fingers.

"Okay, start", she said.

"Okay", Niles whispered. "What did you feel when we kissed in the den?"

"What, besides disgust?"

"Miss Babcock", Niles sighed.

"Okay, okay ... I felt ..." CC grew pink. "Well, damn it. It was _amazing _and I felt complete -"

"Complete?"

"Well, I was a wreck, right? When we kissed ... I felt complete." CC looked at their hands again. "What did you feel?"

"I felt ... I felt like the happiest man in the world."

CC laughed. "What? The happiest man in the world?"

Niles nodded slowly.

"Because we kissed?", CC asked further.

Niles nodded again.

"Wow ...", CC whispered, leaned in and brushed her lips against Niles' cheek. "That's cute."

Niles didn't answer.

He wasn't ready to tell her that he fell in love with her that night.

No - he had realized that night, he already was in love with her for years!

"Go on", CC said. "The cruise?"

"Ehm, that's something private ..." Now it was his turn to get red.

CC laughed. "Something _private? _Niles we are going to die! You can tell me everything."

Niles avoided her eyes but he still held her hand. "After that ... After you winked at me. I couldn't get enough and I wanted to ..." He got quiet.

"Niles, did you want to have sex with me?", CC asked him after a while without getting red.

"Yes ...", Niles whispered.

"Why didn't you try to seduce me?", CC asked.

"I was afraid because I was sure you hated me."

"Why didn't we talk earlier?" CC said sadly. "I could have told you that I don't hate you, that I never did ..."

"Then we have a lot to talk about now", Niles said.


	4. Chapter 4

"And the dances? The evening of the Broadway Guild Awards?"

For an hour now Niles and CC were leaning against the cave wall and cuddling and talking. They were talking about everything they missed to talk about after all these years.

"Hm ... I've been waiting for you to kiss me" CC smiled. "But you didn't."

Niles brushed his lips against the top of her head. "I wanted to but I was too shy."

"You've never been too shy to tease me" CC closed her eyes. Even if she hadn't felt his lips against her hair, she somehow knew he'd kissed her.

Niles took her hand. They were talking about their feelings and they weren't lying to each other. They were touching and caressing each other and were happy they had each other.

"Mhm ...", Niles mumbled. "How does your ankle feel?"

"It's better now ... Because you carried me. Thank you", CC said, brought his hand to her lips and pressed them against his skin. "And now tell me what you felt ... that Valentine's Day when I told you to dim the lights."

"And I turned them completely off?"

"Uh-huh."

Niles smiled. "For real now?"

"For real now, what?"

"It is ... Intense", Niles said quietly.

"So am I, tell me", CC said.

"You're intense?"

"Tell me, butler boy!"

"I ... phew. Okay, I wanted to got in and ... play Maxwell."

"Oh, you naughty man ..." CC let out a deep laugh.

"Why so, Miss Babcock? The only thing I had in mind was teasing you."

"Yea, sure."

"What do you mean?" Niles grinned. Of course he had wanted to do something else ...

"Think of it - a man in the same room with an almost naked woman. The room is dark. Wouldn't he want to fuck her?"

"Not if the woman's name is CC Babcock", Niles said.

"Oh, can it", CC said annoyed, but smiling as well.

"I'm glad you're with me", Niles whispered in her ear. "With any other one it would be so boring but with you it's rather entertaining."

"If you tell anyone, I'll kill you - but I really enjoy your company", CC said.

"Who should I tell?", Niles mumbled and CC lifted her shoulders.

"I thought you'd call that radio woman and tell her ... I thought you've got it bad for her, you're always turning louder when she talks", she joked.

"I'm waiting for news", Niles said. "I haven't given up hope."

"I did", CC confessed. "How should they find us? It's December, the landslide won't melt for the next three months or something."

"You're in such a good mood", Niles rolled his eyes.

"How should it be different?", CC asked.

"Okay ... let's change the subject."

"Wanna talk about something else?"

"Yes, I've always wanted to ask you something about your earlier life", Niles said.

For a short time CC was just quiet. Then she asked softly:

"Why? And why did you always want to ask me?"

"Because I wanted to know what happened to you that made you turn into such a mean woman."

"Thanks, now I know you really think I'm mean."

"You are. Sometimes. And now tell me ..."

"I rather not", CC whispered.

"That bad?", Niles asked a little shocked.

CC just nodded.

"Okay, then I won't bother you", Niles promised.

"Really?", CC asked surprised. "I could've sworn you would force me into telling you ..."

"Never", Niles said and kissed her hair again.

* * *

><p>A little while after that they heard news again.<p>

They talked about "Niles and CC Babcock" and that they were still missing. They had interviewed Fran.

"My dear friends ... If you can hear me ... Happy news!" They heard.

The connection still wasn't the best ...

"Happy news?", CC asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I am pregnant!", the whiny voice of Fran cheered in the radio.

Niles jumped up, smiling. He wanted to hug someone, but there was nobody besides CC, and he was afraid to hug her after Fran revealed such news to them.

But CC wasn't sad at all - she wore a light grimace, yes, but as she opened her mouth, she let out a sighed "Oh my god, finally."

So Niles hugged her and CC hugged him back.

They didn't let go when the radio woman congratulated Fran and they didn't let go when a new song started.

CC closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. She couldn't help but be - again - happy about their situation - she felt as she finally had a friend and she knew they would be on each others throats if they weren't in that situation ...

Niles' heart pounded madly. What he felt for this woman was too strong to be real - but it _was _real and it hurt.

He knew she didn't return his feelings, so he pushed her back softly, which caused a feeling of loneliness from both of them.

"So ... What are we going to do now?", Niles asked with a husky voice.

CC lifted her shoulders. "What are you reading?"

"I won't read something to you, if that's what you wanted to imply", Niles said.

"Then let's talk", CC said.

"Aren't we done with talking?", Niles smiled and took her hand. "We talked about everything we'd gone through and what we felt. Isn't that enough?"

CC nodded and leaned in slowly.

Niles shivered and quickly pulled her into another embrace. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but if he did now, he wouldn't know why they kissed.

Loneliness?

Boredom?

Curiosity?

Love?


	5. Chapter 5

For about two days nothing really important happened. They ate bread and sausages everyday, were sleeping, talking, dancing, listening to the radio and singing songs along with the radio, fighting with each other, ignoring each other, making it up again, caressing each other, talking again ...

But never anything more happened. They never kissed ...

CC's opinion was that if Niles wanted to kiss her, he should do it, but Niles was too shy to kiss her ...

One day the radio played "Moonlight Shadow" by Mike Oldfield and Maggie Reilly and Niles discovered that this seemed to be CC's favourite song. She knew the whole text by heart and wasn't afraid to sing it loudly.

"You have a great voice", Niles said with admiration. "Did you ever think about singing lessons? You could really do something out of that voice ..."

"What an honour, hearing this from a professional singer ..." CC smiled at him. He pulled her up in his arms before they again danced around in the cave.

"I'm not a professional singer", Niles said and dipped her. He pulled her up again and CC rolled her eyes.

"Are you kidding? Your voice is perfect ..."

"Says the woman with the most beautiful voice in the world", Niles interrupted her and CC blushed. "Honestly, did you never want to get an actress or singer or something?", Niles asked.

"Actually ... I really did. Why do you know me so perfectly?" CC almost whispered.

"You did what?"

"I wanted to get an actress."

"But?"

"My mother", CC just said.

Niles pulled her close and caressed her cheek. "What did she do? Was she cruel?"

"Niles, my awful past", CC said with a light smile and got out of his embrace.

She turned the radio off. "I'm going to tell you everything", she decided.

"Miss Babcock, you don't have to ... I told you already, you don't, if you want to leave that behind you."

"But I want to." CC sat down and Niles sat down next to her. "As you said, we're going to die and I have to tell someone."

"I didn't say we would die ..."

"But we are going to", CC said and took his hand. "Okay ... Where do I begin ... Mommy left right after I was born. She didn't even stay to give me nursing."

"What?"

"She didn't breast feed me -"

"I know, I was just shocked."

CC shrugged. "Can't change it. Well, she left when I was a few days -"

"Days?!How did you survive that?"

"Well, my siblings had a nanny. She raised me."

"Your father?"

CC shook her head sadly. "He never was here, Niles. I've been raised by nanny Bobo."

Niles couldn't answer.

"Well ... I didn't even know that mommy existed until she someday was there to visit Noel and DD ... She pretended she didn't see me and I had no idea who she was, nanny Bobo told me."

"Did your sibling never talk about your mother?"

"DD herself wasn't even two when she left and nanny Bobo told Noel not to talk about her to one of us."

"I'm sorry."

CC shrugged. "This wasn't even the worst part of my story ..."

"Sorry, go on."

"Uhm - she took Noel and DD with her for a weekend and left me behind. I didn't care, I still had no idea who she was and I was only four, but when daddy found out, he took me and drove to her place. He screamed at her because she took my siblings but left me behind ... And that was the beginning. She hated me, she penalized me, ..."

"Why?"

"I have no idea. I never found out, I still have no idea. I think when she found out that she was pregnant with a third child she didn't want it, but it was too late for an abortion."

"Thank god", Niles said which caused CC to give him a small kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you", she said sweetly and sqeezed his hand. "So you're the only one who thinks so."

Niles sighed. She always underestimated herself ... "Go on", he whispered. Soon he would be able to tell her, how important she was to him ...

"Well, she started to make me responsible for everything. For example, one day DD fell and hurt her leg. It wasn't bad but she was crying and mother thought I was the reason because I was near. I didn't even touch her! She didn't believe me and hit me."

Niles gasped.

"Once she hit me so hard that my nose broke."

"No."

"Sadly, yes. I also was the underdog in school. I wasn't good in school, I was taller than every boy at my age and I was fat. I always beat with the boys and got punished by my mother when she found out. I started to drink and smoke early, stay out all night long -"

"You're kidding, right? That bad?" Niles was shocked. The same CC Babcock he knew ... A rebel as a teen.

"It was just a phase, Niles. But mother still hit me when she found out I was away with the 'bad company'... It got better, but then I wanted to be an actress. This dream had been also destroyed by my mother."

"Didn't your father do anything against it?"

"Do you remember when Daddy was here to visit me?", CC asked softly and Niles nodded. "He never wanted the CC I really was, I was a rebel, a depressive rebel. He tried to help me, but he already knew there was nothing to do ..."

"I'm sorry ...", Niles whispered and closed his eyes. CC leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Do you know now why I don't care if my life is over? I've never had a real life ... I had four relationships in my life, two of them lasted not even two weeks and one of my boyfriends raped me -"

"_WHAT?!_"

Niles pushed CC away. "Miss Babcock, no kidding please! He did what?!"

"My first one", CC said and then she burst into tears.

It was too much for her, telling another person about her past ... She hated to think about her mother, her siblings, the time when nanny Bobo passed away ... CC suddenly remembered nanny Bobo's last words to her:

_"Your mother is a liar, Miss Chastity Claire. Someday you will find your prince and he will love you for who you are. He will love you nonsensically, from top to toe, he will love every blemish about you, he will love you because you are you ... You will find him, Miss Chastity Claire."_

And then Josh came and made her feel better, made her feel loved ... At first.

"Do you want to tell me?"

CC looked up and wiped her tears away.

Niles stared at her, his eyes full of concern, anger, passion, love, anxiety, rage, sadness ...

Maybe nanny Bobo had been right with her last words to CC ... After all, she never said _when _CC was going to find her prince ...

"I'll tell you, Niles. But take me in your arms", CC said and he pulled her close and wrapped his arms tightly around her.


	6. Chapter 6

This chapter is dedicated to Linn.

Happy birthday, sweetie! Here's your birthday present! :*

Love you!

(CC's tell is in italics, the present is normal. Hope you won't be confused!)

* * *

><p><em>"Have fun, honey."<em>

_"I will."_

_"I love you."_

_Daddy kissed my cheek but I knew he didn't mean it. He never was at home, sometimes he was away for months and I already forgot how he looked. Then he came back with a young woman, they stayed for a few days (we never saw them due this time) and the next time he came back with another one._

_Pamela, Emily, Dana, Melody, Patricia, Alyson._

_I remebered all of them._

_"Do you have your keys?", Daddy asked and I held them up._

_"Have them here."_

_He'd bought me a BMW after I've got the acceptance letter from Bryn Mawr._

"You were in Bryn Mawr college? _You_ really were in a college in Pennsylvania?"

"Shut up, Niles, I'm telling a story here. Yes, I was."

"Sorry."

* * *

><p><em>"Hi! Are you my roommate?"<em>

_I nodded. She looked nice ... She had darkbrown hair, a good shaped body and glasses that fit her face perfectly. Her blouse __had a little too deep cut out but I ignored that._

_"I am Dana, what's your name?"_

_Dana._

_Dana._

_DANA._

_I clenched my fists. "Chastity."_

_"Chastity?", Dana laughed. "Nice."_

_"Yeah, I hate it too", CC said dyly and Dana laughed again.._

_"Oh, we have the same humour. I think we are going to be good friends", she said with a smile._

_Not if I can avoid that, I thought._

Niles stared at her with an open mouth.

"What?", CC asked.

"Chastity?"

"Oh." CC blushed. She wasn't aware of that she just told his name to him. "Chastity Claire. This is my whole name."

"Your mother really hated you, right?"

"My daddy wanted to call me Claire Chastity when he discovered that she wanred to give me this name ... But well. This was mommy."

"Miss Babcock, let me tell you the truth ...", Niles sighed and held her tighter. "It's a beautiful name", he whispered in her ear.

* * *

><p><em>"Avery, Elizabeth?"<em>

_"Here."_

_"Babcock, Chastity Claire?"_

_I raised my hand shortly. A few heads turned around to look at me and I blushed. I hated it when people looked at me after someone called my name and then saw my obviously untouched virgin-body ..._

"Now you shut up."

"What?"

"Shut up, Miss Babcock. 'Obviously untouched virgin-body?' Are you crazy?"

"I was a house, Niles."

"You can't see on the shape of a woman if she's a virgin or not."

"Even if her name is Chastity?"

"Even then."

CC smiled again. She had just told him she was still a virgin with nineteen years and he hadn't said a word about that ...

* * *

><p><em>Chastity Claire Parker.<em>

_I wrote it everywhere._

_I was so in love ..._

_I was twenty now and had found a boyfriend. He wasn't my first boyfriend, but he was the first one I loved._

_I never believed in love, but then nanny Bobo told me her opinion about true love._

_I remembered what she'd said to me before they brought her to the hospital (where she died)._

_I had found my prince._

_Josh Parker ..._

_This great, sweet, handsome man ... I couldn't believe he loved me too._

_When I saw him for the first time, it kinda hit me. And I was aware of that he would never love me. I've lost a lot weight since then and after discussing with my best friend Dana -_

"Why are you laughing, Niles?"

"So, Dana turned into your best friend after all? You couldn't avoid it?"

"Shut up."

_... After discussing with my best friend Dana about it - a lot -, she coloured my hair blonde._

"I knew it!"

"Yes, congratulations. I was a brunette."

"For me, you'll ever be one."

_I was almost twenty-one and a thinner and better looking girl now. I got a few love letters from a guy called Nathan but I still wanted this one man. Josh._

_And then it happened._

_"You're - Destiny, right?"_

_"Chastity. Why?"_

_"Well, I have a few problems with this homework and you're clever in this ... I've seen your tests. Well, I thought ... Maybe you could help me?"_

_I helped him and we even had a lot of fun._

_We met twice for learning and the third time we met for a drink._

_We shared our first kiss at the fifth date and then it was official ..._

_He kissed me in public, held my hand in public, called me 'Love' in public._

_We were a couple._

"And he raped you because of what? You were together!"

"I was twenty, Niles, almost twenty-one, and I still wasn't ready ..."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. I rather think it's romantic to keep your first time for the one. It's special, as your first time should be."

_He caressed me._

_He always did and it usually felt great, but today it was different._

_He usually caressed my hips, my waist, my arms, my face. But today he went straight to my breasts. He squeezed them through my dress and it hurt ..._

_"Josh ...", I whispered in his mouth and pushed him back. "I'm not ready."_

_"You're always saying that, Chastity. You're still a virgin and you're almost twenty-one. You're almost an adult, a virgin adult!"_

_It hurt, everytime he said that. I've told him already I was afraid of getting pregnant - my mother got pregnant with seventeen and she turned out to be the most terrible mother in the world._

_But Josh told me he would never do it without protection and that was it. We didn't talk about it again._

_Until he suddenly started touching me fiercely ... He touched me trough my panty. It didn't feel that bad to be honest ... I started to enjoy it._

_I moaned a little bit and that was the mistake._

_He thought I wanted it ... so he took my virginity. I told him a few times I didn't want to, but he held his hand over my mouth._

_He was too strong and I was too weak._

Silence.

Niles was too shocked. The woman he held in his arms ... He knew her for twenty years now, loved her for - how long now? He couldn't remember anymore, he has always adored her.

He thought he knew everything of her, but there she was - in his arms, tightly pressed against his body and telling him about her first time. A rape.

"I didn't come but he did. And I felt filthy and I wanted to die."

"But you didn't try to kill yourself, right?"

CC thought about telling him the truth.

How much should he know? She had been about to swallow these sleeping pills but Dana had found her before she could even swallow one.

"I didn't. But I hated everything and everyone, especially myself", she said and Niles pressed another kiss on the top of her head.

"I'm so, so sorry", he whispered and his tears fell softly on CC's hair.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you to everyone who's reading this. Please review, so I know if I should go on or not :)

Here it is, chapter 7! My longest (published) FF so far!

A little warning: after this chapter a few things will change ... *cough, M-rating, cough*

* * *

><p>"What happened then?", Niles asked.<p>

"Hm ... Well, Josh told everyone that he'd deflowered me. And I avoided him, so he broke up. Of course it was already over for me", CC answered whispering. She still couldn't believe that she'd told Niles.

"Did you tell anyone?"

"I told Dana ... And you."

"What did Dana say?" Niles held her closer.

"She ... Hell, she was trying to find a way of helping me."

"See? At least she believed you -", Niles started but CC interrupted him.

"Yes she did, and two months later she eloped with Josh. In the last trimester."

"Wait - she ran away with Josh? They left the college? Together?"

"They had an affair while Josh and I were together. See why I don't trust anyone?"

Niles remained quiet. Her past ... It was so horrible. Yes, she was born rich but it seemed, everything that could have happened had happened to her.

Her mother hated her, her father had no time for her, her brother was her only friend, her nanny, the only person she'd trusted, died, she had been a rebel, her first time had been horrible, her best friend had an affair with her boyfriend ...

"Miss Babcock, I wish I could help you somehow", Niles mumbled. And boy, he did.

"Either way, now it's too late." CC closed her eyes and shivered lightly. "I've never had the chance of finding my true love."

"So you _do _believe in love?", Niles whispered. He was getting closer to the truth ...

"Of course I do. I've always loved my brother, my father, Nanny Bobo and Sara."

"And Mr. Sheffield", Niles added carefully.

"Yes", CC said quickly. She'd totally forgotten to mention him. "Speaking of Sara, she helped me through the last trimester."

"I know that story, you were thinking about quitting, but Sara helped you to pass the hard times."

CC nodded. "And now you know why I've had these hard times."

Niles kissed her head before he put his hands on her waist to help her up.

"Aren't you comfortable?", CC asked.

"I am, but ... Miss Babcock, could you maybe turn around for a few minutes?", Niles asked as he brushed the earth off his jeans.

"Why? What are you up to?"

"You'll see", Niles said nervously.

He was afraid of her reaction - but it was too late. He'd already decided he'd do it.

CC turned not only around with a sigh, she wrapped herself in the blanket again and laid down on the sleeping bag.

"Close your eyes and cover your ears", Niles said softly.

"Niles -"

"Trust me", Niles said.

And CC trusted him. Again.

* * *

><p>What was he doing? She heard him all the time ... Doing sonething. She'd asked him already three times what he was doing, but he'd always told her not to turn around.<p>

Not even ten minutes later he finally told her to open her eyes.

The first thing she saw, was that the lamp was turned off. It wasn't completely dark - as she turned around she saw a soft blanket spreaded on the floor, tea lights all around it. They were shining just as Niles' eyes as he looked at her.

CC gasped lightly. "Niles, what ...?"

"Allow me", Niles said gently and helped her to get up. "You can choose. Your first time was horrible - if you want, you can forget about it and start anew."

"What?", CC whispered.

Niles chewed his bottom lip. She looked shocked ... Had he misinterpreted the signs? "You - ergh - I thought we could ... I mean, we're dying after all ... Why not having a little fun?"

CC smiled a little bit. "You're right ... You know I am just a little bit surprised ... It's still me, after all."

Niles smiled and got a little closer. "What would make you believe that I wouldn't want to sleep with you?"

CC's heart started to race. He'd said it, she wasn't thinking of something wrong. And _how_ he'd said it ... Wow. "Don't you think I'm fat and ugly and an old bitch?"

"I see your point." Niles was now so close he could kiss her if he wanted to. Instead of that he put his hands on her waist and travelled down to her hips. "Well ... What I feel of you feels perfect. Fat - no. Not at all. You're rather perfect."

He observed her face and smiled. Her sky-blue eyes, her sweet nose, her kissable lips. Her soft, pale skin, her golden hair. Her delicate neck.

His eyes wandered down. Finally he could look at her without an excuse. "Ugly. Never, Babcock. You're the most beautiful woman -"

"In this cave?", CC asked with a sarcastic grin.

"In this world", Niles said lowly and CC's mouth went open.

"Next - I know how old you are", Niles said and CC's mouth closed slowly. "You're not old and you're no bitch. You told me about your four lovers and that's okay."

"Niles ...", CC whispered. "How can I know you mean it? You think I'm beautiful? After all this time ... Since when -"

"Dammit, you _know _you are beautiful. You're simply stunning! Why is it so hard to see that I think the same?"

"Because it's _you, _Niles. We never got along, mostly because you insulted me the whole time and -"

"Forget it", Niles growled and turned around. He bit back tears. "I wanted to give you a beautiful first time but you can't see that I mean it." He sighed. "I've always adored you, believe me", he added with a whisper.

"Niles", CC whispered back. "I'm sorry. I just have no idea where to sort this feelings. They're so new ... And I'm afraid."

Niles turned around and found CC facing him, her eyes burning with desire. "Feelings?", he croaked.

"Desire", she said. "Longing. Lust. And something else." Without another word she grabbed his face and he grabbed her waist.

They pulled each other closer, just as they'd done years ago.

Their lips met so easily, as if they'd done this forever. Their tongues entwined automatically and their hands roamed over their bodies.

CC opened her jacket as good as she could and Niles did the same with his jacket.

When the need of air was too strong, they parted.

"Miss -", Niles started.

"Shsh", CC said softly and pecked his lips. "Niles ... I want you to take my virginity."

"Are you sure?"

"Just as you said before - we're dying. Let's have fun."

Niles regretted saying that. Having sex with Babcock wasn't only fun to him ... It would turn out to be serious. He wanted her, he loved her. And she didn't feel the same for him. Maybe he should tell her ...

He opened his mouth to say something, but CC's mouth crashed on his instantly so he had no chance to say something.

After a few seconds she pulled away. "Okay?", she whispered and Niles nodded.

He took her hand and lead her to the blanket. They sat down and started kissing softly.

CC's mind was turning, Niles was just a hell of a kisser. She couldn't wait to find out if he was an even better lover.

She was nervous, she started to believe she cared for him somehow.

She gently stroke his strong chest and inserted her hands in it to feel his muscles and skin. She pulled away again.

"Wow ...", she whispered and continued touching him. At some point she pulled the shirt over his head and moaned a little at the sight of his chest in the light of the candles.

"Beautiful", she said softly and lowered her lips on his chest.

When they thouched his skin, Niles felt a thousand electric spasms shooting through his body. He began to tug at the edge of her shirt until she groaned and removed it for herself. Niles was looking now at the same CC Babcock he'd known for years in nothing but her sport trousers and her bra.

"You are beautiful", Niles whispered and kissed her neck once, wandered down with little kisses and finally kissed both her breasts. "You are -"

"Shsh", CC said again. "How are we going to do this? You know, I've never done this before."

Niles smiled. She was taking that first-time-thing too serious ... and he liked it.

"You will be lying on your back and I will be on top of you", Niles said and CC grinned.

"Can't wait."

Niles pulled her trousers off and CC removed his jeans. She admired his body, while Niles almost dropped dead at the sight of her long legs combined with the rest of her body.

"Lay down", he ordered and kissed her. She did as he said and he suddenly began to kiss her ankles and moved up at her legs, leaving soft kisses on every inch.

"What are you doing?", CC asked nervously. "I'm not shaved!"

"That's something I don't care about at all", he whispered and kissed her knees. "Anyway, how do you want to shave yourself here?"

"Point for you", CC said and laid back on the blanket. She closed her eyes as Niles pulled her panties down slowly and carefully.


End file.
